when you know you are a mommy

*You are sitting in a chair and realize that you would pay someone $5000. to go to the bathroom for you and bring you a cup of coffee.

*Poop is an acceptable dinner subject

*You pride yourself in being able to eat salad without dropping anything on baby's head

*You are standing in your kitchen alone, swaying to comfort an invisible baby, and shove the remaining 1/4 of a PBJ into your mouth so you will be able to finish it and also pee before the cries escalate from level 1 to LEVEL 4!!

*You absentmindedly call your husband "buddy" and refuse to apologize for it

*You have not been on time for anything in 3 months and stopped caring 2 months ago

*Any day you have not gotten pooped/peed on is a great day

*Any day where you have accomplished 2 of the 10 things on your list is a great day

*It is 3:00 in the afternoon and you realize you have not looked in the mirror all day, let alone brushed your hair. Showering is something you may have done yesterday, you can't quite remember.

* You have written this entire post with one hand while holding up a picture book for someone to look at with the other.

yay for happy babies!

I finally figured out what it takes to get Jack to smile. It's really annoying though, so turn your volume down.

Also, press play then immediately pause for 2 seconds then play again and it will play much easier. (weird vimeo thing)



smiling jack from christina porter on Vimeo.

miami winter blues

We have had quite a arctic blast the last few days and I don't think I need to tell you that people in Miami don't know what to do with themselves when the thermometer dips below 70, let alone into the (GASP!) 30's like it did the other night.

I always used to laugh at people in this town who would wear winter coats when it was in the 60's but after living here almost 5 years, I find myself less able to tolerate the cold but I will never become as delusional as some people.

A couple of weeks ago when we had our first "cold snap" the temps dropped into the 40's at night but warmed up relatively quickly during the day and it was close to 60 degrees one afternoon when I took Chewy and Jack for a walk. I put long pants and a jacket on the baby and covered him with a warm blanket and a hat and he looked pretty cozy to me. About 20 minutes into our walk, I ran into the UPS guy and the first thing he said to me was "You shouldn't have that baby outside today. It's too cold."
After looking at him in his short sleeved shirt and assuming he was joking, I laughed and said that I thought he would be OK. But UPS guy was undeterred. He went on to tell me that I should turn around right now and get that baby home before he got sick. Then he looked at me as if he was weighing a call to DYFS or if he would let it slide just this once but he was planning on keeping an eye on me.
All I could do was walk away. shaking my head.

Today I took the same walk and the temperature was again near 60 so I prayed I wouldn't run into UPS guy again. for fear he would put me under citizens arrest for child abuse. We didn't see him and I'm glad because Jack was obviously neither warm nor comfortable the whole time. (turn up your volume)


snoring baby from christina porter on Vimeo.

we can do it (yes we can)

Last week Jack and I went to meet some friends for lunch. This was the second time that Jack has been to a restaurant but it was the first time he was aware of it because his first time he spent like this:




But this time, he was awake most of the time and even had some lunch of his own. He was in a good mood and once again it gave me hope that I really can do this after all.
And Jack got to flirt with some pretty girls!

reality bites

So Jack and I went to the Dr yesterday and considering we were gone almost 3 hours, he did amazingly well. He did get hungry in the pediatrician's waiting room and started screaming bloody murder but luckily I wore a shirt that I could easily nurse him in so that was easily solved. I feel like I'm finally getting the hang of all this and maybe I really can handle having a normal life again where I actually leave the house and see people and talk to adults during the day.

As much as I love being with Jack all day, I need to start thinking about breaking out of this little bubble we have created this past month. Someone from my agency called me a couple of days ago to tell me that a really good client (who shall remain nameless so as not to jinx things) was interested in me and how soon could I be ready to take some digital photos to send to them? That really shocked me back to reality because I honestly hadn't given a minute's thought to when I was going to start working again. The good ( and bad) news is that my body is in no way ready to start working again, I have to lose at least 15 more pounds before I can fit into any of my own clothes again and I can't do anything more than walk before mid-February. That gives me almost a month before I have to think about horrible things like leaving Jack for more than 5 minutes at a time.

After all, if I left Jack for more than 5 minutes, I might miss something like this:

And I eve you with the onesie of the day, courtesy of Jack's cousin Paige:

no sharps, just smiles

Today Jack and I are going on our first solo outing. We both have a Dr appointment (such an exciting life I lead now) so we will see how it goes. Luckily, my OB and his pediatrician are in the same building so they are just an elevator ride away from each other.
I have been looking into an alternative vaccination schedule and I think I found something that I can be happy with. I am going to talk to Jack's Dr. about it today and hopefully he will be on board with it so Jack will not be getting any immunizations until he is 4 months old, including the Hepatitis B shot that I would not let them give him in the hospital.
I don't have the time to really get into it right now but babies these days are getting a shocking amount of immunizations before they are 2 years old, many more than were given even 10 years ago but almost double the amount when I was a kid. Many well respected doctors have written about this and there are many alternative schedules available that will still allow him to get all of them before he starts school but allows us to space them out so we can tell which ones he may have side effects from and allow his poor little body to recover from having all these foreign substances put into it.
***********************************************************************************

Enough about all this seriousness, let's have a smile:


Jack decided yesterday he does indeed like his swing after trying it and hating it a few times. He fell asleep in it for over a half hour both yesterday and today and that makes Jack's mama smile too!
Happy Wednesday!

time keeps on ticking

Since Jack is 3 weeks old today, I put together some pictures from weeks 1-2-3.

Because I spend every minute of every day with him, I notice so many little things that are different about him already. Like how his ears are already almost double their original size, or how when I hold him across my body to feed him, his feet are already beginning to go around my side because he is so tall. And his feet that were so wrinkled up and tiny now look like real feet with chubby little toes that I want to sprinkle with cinnamon and gobble up.

Some days I can swear I feel the difference in his weight, and the way he eats sometimes(like today: All. The. Time.) I swear he puts on multiple ounces an hour.

Sometimes I just want to fold him up and put him in my pocket and keep him this size forever and sometimes I think about how nice it will be when he really smiles at me for the first time, or says Mommy and Daddy and crawls and walks and Runs. His first Little League game, first date, first Prom.

But for now, he's just this long-legged little eating machine who poops and cries and smiles in his sleep. And I love him so much it makes my heart hurt and my eyes tear.

Happy 3 Week Birthday Little Man! Don't grow up too fast!

nights

Have I mentioned how lucky I am to have Chris?

He comes home after a full day of work, walks the dog, and takes the screaming baby from me so I can have a few moments peace.

As much as it helps to have my parents here and Chris's mom here before them, it is amazing to have a partner who cares so much about me and who wants to help me and most of all, wants to spend time with our little boy.

I've said it before and I will say it a million times again.

I am a very lucky girl.

look who's 5 days old today!

At the crack of dawn, we all set out for the pediatrician.

Jack was given the once-over twice and passed all tests with flying colors.
He measured 20 inches this morning so unless he grew an inch in less than a week and he will be 4 feet tall in a month, his measurement at birth was slightly off.
Either way, he is slightly taller than average, slightly thinner than average and has a smaller head than average. Who likes being average anyway? And there are worse things in life than being a little tall and thin and I have had a pea-sized head all my life and did OK so overall we are very happy.

He enjoyed his first outing since the trip home from the hospital and slept the whole car ride again. He didn't enjoy the exam quite as much though, as you will see:

home at last

I don't know how long I am going to have to type and download right now so let's get straight to the pictures. I will say that Jack is the sweetest, most behaved baby on the planet. He went right back down to sleep after every feeding last night and ate like a prizefighter every time. He is obviously in training for something very important.

I am so in love, I can hardly stand it. I can just sit and stare at him forever and if I wasn't so sleep deprived I would probably never take my eyes off of him.

We go to the pediatrician in the morning to get his weight and things checked out so I will update about that tomorrow. Also, I'm sure, a million more pictures.

Speaking of, here is our coming home from the hospital yesterday. He loves the car and just layed there alert the whole (10 minute) ride home:

weekend wrap-up

Chris and I got up Saturday morning and rented the smelliest van in history to pick up the baby furniture!

(Chris is wearing sunglasses so you can't see his eyes tearing from the stink.)

My sister Cathy and her husband Jack were in town so they met us for breakfast and to pick up the furniture (luckily they had their own car so they did not have to ride in the stink-mobile.) (Really it smelled like 300 sweaty men had just gotten out of it 4 seconds before we rented it. I almost rode with Cathy and Jack and made Chris drive in it by himself but I am a team player and couldn't do that to him.) (But I wanted to.)

Anyway, we got the boxes out of the van before they melted from the smell and Cathy and Jack made quick work of the crib before Chris even got back from returning the van. Then we all worked on the dresser and it eventually came together.

And they are so gorgeous!On Sunday I washed all of the baby clothes and put them away in his dresser (!!!) It feels so nice to have everything washed and put away neatly. I keep going in there and opening the drawers and looking at all the cute little clothes and thinking that in just a few weeks, he is going to be wearing those clothes and sleeping in the crib.

Sleeping in the crib, that is, once we get a mattress that actually fits in the crib unlike the one we already bought and have to return.

Chewy remains un-excited and generally melancholy about all the goings-on.

Thanks to Cathy and Jack for all their help in putting together the furniture because I have to admit I was pretty worthless in the helping department. I have been having Braxton Hicks contractions since Thursday and once they get going it becomes really hard to do anything besides sit and complain about it. UGH!

It was so nice to see them though and we were really lucky they were here to help because Chris and I would still be trying to put the crib together today if they weren't here. I guess once you have kids, you get lots of practice putting things together so hopefully there is still hope for us.

21 days to go!

where would you rather be?

Today I went to see a potential pediatrician for Kumar. I made the appointment super early (7:45) so that Chris could come with me before work but of course, that did not work out because this is the day he starts JURY DUTY!!

*Cue: creepy music and thunder clap over the courthouse*

Since Chris was going to be trapped in the most horrible criminal courthouse ever made, I didn't have the heart to make him feel bad about missing the visit because having to spend the day (or possibly multiple days) there is punishment enough. I know how horrible this place is because I had to go there 3 years ago, about a week before we left to get married and luckily the judge took mercy upon me and let me go after the first day when I told him that I was going to St Lucia to be married in a matter of days. His exact words were, "Get out of here and go get married." He was a nice judge and I have not gotten called back again *knockonwood*....

Anyway, the pediatrician took his time and answered all my questions about vaccines and cord blood banking and other stuff on my list and I had a nice little tour of the place and it seemed like they have a good set up. They have a lab on the premises and a bunch of other locations in the area that have doctors on call after hours and weekends so there are really no complaints. I have an appointment with another pediatrician next week after I get back from my trip that has a much smaller office and then we will make a decision. Since I really have no problems with this first place and they were both recommended by my OB, it makes me comfortable to make a decision after only seeing the two.

Considering we are going to be spending a lot of time in the pediatritian's office the first year of Kumar's life, this is a good place to do it. The second place will definitely not be able to beat the view from the exam rooms:

progress

First, I would like to start off by saying, I apologize for the whiney post of yesterday. Could I possibly be a bigger baby?
Anyway...
Last night I went to bed with my usual 4 pillows, plus an additonal 4-foot long body pillow (AKA The Barrier) and wedged myself in for a long sleep. And it actually kind of worked. I slept pretty well with minimal pain until almost 8. It was very nice and I guess I will see my husband in bed again sometime early next year when I can sleep like a normal person.

Today, I called and made appointments to meet two pediatricians in the area, one is in the same building as my OB, only 10 minutes away and the other is just over the causeway and is the Dr that my OB sends his kids to. I've been thinking how crazy it is that you have to plan so far ahead for these things but then I realized that OMG! my due date is 12 weeks from tomorrow. That is really not so far away after all.
So, the moral of this story is, 12 weeks is either an eternity or a blink of the eye, depending on whether you are trying to sleep or trying to actually be prepared for this baby.

Chewy has no opinion about this baby. And he kinda likes all the pillows on the bed. Something tells me I should do laundry today.Not sure why though.

wednesday ramblings

If you will take a look at the bottom of this page, you will see that Kumar's Countdown has changed once again! (Go ahead, look. I'll wait here...)We are at 91 days and counting and have moved over to the (I hope you're sitting down) SEVENTH MONTH! I will give you a moment to collect yourself. I can hardly believe it myself.

Honestly, I am beginning to feel like a bit of a slacker because I really haven't done anything to prepare for this baby that is coming to live here in 3 months. (my exact due date is January 8th, 3 months from this very day OMG!) Sure, I have researched for hours on end the best stroller, car seat, bouncy seat, swing, breast pads, cloth diapers, diaper bag, diaper pail, (I'm just gonna insert an etc. here) but have yet to buy hardly anything except a cute little onesie that I found at baby Gap one day and couldn't resist. So, yeah, my baby has a onesie, and it may even be size 3-6 months so he will be able to wear it for a while but I think I may need a couple more things for him. My mom has been frantically knitting away almost since the day we told her about the baby so he has more sweaters and blankets than a Miami baby can ever hope for (thanks mom!) but things like a crib and a bathtub and things to wash him with and diapers to put on his cute little chubby butt (that I can not wait to squeeeeeze in 3 months OMG) they still need to be purchased and the room that he will one day be his needs to be cleaned out and painted and filled with baby things.... (*deep breaths*)
Still, that little voice in my head keeps telling me that there is plenty of time for all this and a newborn only needs a bassinet and diapers and his mama and he'll be OK for the first few months. It's true right? I have plenty of time right? Because most of the time I listen to that little voice but right now I am feeling a little ill-prepared, what with being faced with that seventh(!!!) baby all lit up at the bottom of my page.
OK, rant over.

On the Chewy front, he was as pathetic as could be all day yesterday, sleeping only on the floor instead of jumping on his favorite bed, chair or couch, and whenever I went anywhere near him, he would run away into another room for fear I would touch him. It was really tough to see and I kept calling Chris in near tears to tell him that I could not take it anymore he is like a dog who has been hit by a car and drags himself into the bushes to lick his wounds OMG what can I do to make him better?

Today, he is showing improvement. We walked about half the distance we normally do in the morning and about 10 minutes ago, he brought me a ball to play with. PROGRESS! Unfortunately, the Dr. said no playing for a week, so I had to just ignore the ball and the pathetic crying at the ball that followed but the crying for the ball is a gazillion times better than the pathetic crying in pain he was doing yesterday so I will take it. Hopefully it is just a strained muscle and he will be back to his old self soon enough. Because on top of the usual pregnancy hormone-induced sensitivity, I can only take the pathetic-ness only so long. I may have to lay down on the floor (as if I could) and cry right next to him.

UPDATE! Chewy is on the bed! Whoo Hoo!

100

Tomorrow, Kumar's countdown will be in the double digits! DOUBLE DIGITS Y"ALL!!(Yes, the excitement causes me to get all Southern and Shout-y but I am totally excited!)

It is unbelievable that we have come down to a matter of 100 days and I have to admit that when this all started out, the pessimist that lives deep down inside of me never really believed that we would get this far. I would skip ahead in the pregnancy books and read about being 20 or 30 weeks pregnant and thought that surely something horrible and tragic would happen before I could ever get to the point and surely I could never be so lucky as to have all of this really culminate in having a real live baby of my own.

Yes, that pessimist who lives deep inside of me is a real dark soul. Luckily, I don't let her out very much and have managed to keep her quiet for the most part and here we are at 100 days and it's all double digits from here! Until we get into the single digits which I still cannot imagine but I guess when that time comes, I will be just as shocked by my past pessimism as I am right now because looks what we did! We have 100 days left and we are actually viable at this point. That's right! Not that I would like to test this out but babies have been known to live who are born at this point and that to me in just incredible because he weighs less than 2 pounds and will look so much cuter 100 days from now so thanks but no thanks! I told Chris months ago that I made a deal with Kumar that he is not allowed out until he reaches 10 pounds. I figured that, knowing how kids are, I would say 10 pounds and if he manages to do 6-7, I would be happy. Little did I know that he is an incredible overachiever and has been eating enough the last couple of months that we just might get closer to 10 pounds than I imagined and I am now afraid of what I started.

Tomorrow I go for my OB checkup and glucose tolerance test so I have cut off all sweets this weekend (if you don't count that ice cream I had on Saturday but honestly, it was Weight Watchers ice cream AND it was mint chocolate chip and the mint is really kind of medicinal so it was kind of not really like having ice cream at all.) and am planning on getting up extra early in the morning to make a high protein breakfast with no sugar and no carbs to eat right before I go and hopefully it will turn out just fine.
Then I will come home and make the brownies I have been dreaming about all weekend. And maybe some more Rice Krispie treats.

Today is one of those days I prefer to not talk too much about. Chris and I were living within walking distance of the WTC on this day in 2001 and everything about it is etched in my memory yet I prefer to keep it buried somewhere in the back where it no longer burns with the sounds and smells and feelings that dominated that long, long, never-ending day.

This morning I did my best to stay away from the whole TV drama but they got me when I was in the car, driving on the highway and the radio station where I usually go to for a laugh started to play a montage of news clips from that day. That is what really gets me; the voices of the people, the eyewitnesses, and their reactions, their horror, their fear, their confusion about what they were witnessing. Grown men in tears. The shrieks of the crowds of people on the street as they watched people jump out of windows and then finally, the giant buildings pancake to the ground in a gut-wrenching thud thud thud thud thud. (and worse, the silence that enveloped the city afterwards.) Maybe this is what gets to me the most because I was one of those eyewitnesses but as it was happening, I didn't shriek or cry. I was numb. I could not grasp the enormity of what was going on and I remember not really feeling it for hours afterwards, when I finally had a meltdown and cried for it all. It was way too much to take in at once and now, 7 years later, it is way too much to relive.

This morning I cried while driving down the highway and I rubbed my belly and wished I could promise to protect Kumar from all the bad things of the world but if this day taught us anything, it was that nobody can protect anyone from bad things happening. Some of the best people in the world had to go through the most unimaginable last minutes of their lives that day and nobody could protect them from it.

So instead, I promised Kumar that I would teach him about the bad but also teach him to be kind and generous and sweet and that if he surrounds himself with all those things, he can push the bad things to the back of his mind where they are safer, and still live a happy life. And his mama and daddy will always do their best to protect him from the bad things. And hopefully we can.

genius-bugga-quinny-list

I went to the Bigger and Better Genius Jones store in the design district yesterday. The front of the store is full of cute little knickknacks and things for baby, nothing I cannot resist at this point, but then I went into the next room and my head exploded.

15 different type of $900 strollers, 27 types of $500 car seats, and $200 crib sheet sets.(For the record, I think that buying a $200. sheet that is guaranteed to be puked and pooped and peed on (and he's not even in college yet. Ba dum dum) including a comforter and bumper set that most sources say you should not use until the baby is 4months old or something, just seems a bit frivolous to me.)

The strollers, however, got to me and I left with paperwork in hand for the least offensively priced one that really really love. It looks like this:

Besides the awesome color, there are some practical reasons to love this stroller. It is easy to fold down and has hydraulics that make it one-touch to put it back up. There is a groovy car seat that attaches to the base so the first few months, it will be easy to transfer from the car to the stroller. And it looks really cute.

I know I went on and on about $1000. Bugaboos and the like in a past post, and neither Chris nor I are made of money, so I decided to take the brochure and go home and look at craigslist. Those of you not familiar with craigslist need to click the link and find out about it. It's God's greatest invention since the Internet itself. Over the years, we have bought and sold numerous pieces of furniture (and an ill-advised car that was both bought and sold on said list) on here and I have heard how people are practically giving away baby things on there, it's just a matter of timing and luck to find what you want and respond before someone else gets it.
Anyway, I looked on craiglist and found the stroller and carseat both offered for ....Are you ready????..... $150.!! I responded immediately and was called within the hour and, long story (kinda) short, we are going to look at it Monday night and hopefully it will be our very first purchase for Kumar! The only sad thing is it's the black color, not the blue, but really that is more practical I guess and for $150. there really is nothing to complain about.

stats n stuff - 18 weeks edition!

**The doctor gave me a prescription for an antibiotic and said if I did not improve in 24 hours, I should fill it, but luckily I did not need to. I hate taking unnecessary medication, especially antibiotics, and even though he assured me this was a "Class B" drug and would pose no harm to Kumar, I still would rather not. Luckily I felt a bit better yesterday and much better today, so 'scrip in the garbage.

**As per the doctor's scale on Tuesday, I have so far gained 13 pounds.

**Today I did the weekly measurement of my belly and it has amazingly grown 2 1/2 inches in one week!

**I have still been able to hold back from buying anything for the baby even though today it was a very close call at Genius Jones. I could seriously go broke in one visit to that store but today I just browsed and got ideas for potential things to put in a registry but purchased nothing, even though this:

almost killed me.

Also this:


**I seriously have to get some new bras even though I just bought bigger ones 2 months ago. It is proving to be really difficult to find something comfortable yet supportive. Any suggestions? I went to Target, Loehmann's and Gap Body today and.....found one. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

**My belly button is getting shallower every day and it's kind of freaking me out. The good news is, it's easier to clean.


**According to most sources, 18 weeks is the beginning of the 5th month, even though that makes no sense mathematically, but I will gladly take it.
5 months!!! WHOO HOO!!

I found pictures I took at the end of June and one I took a few days ago and I think there is quite a difference in bump-age. Check it out:

beans n franks! franks n beans!

The day that you find out you are pregnant, all your ideas about how it is going to be instantly change. And if they don't then you are a bigger control freak than I am and YOU NEED TO LET IT GO. Trust someone who knows, because she had to learn it the hard way. Letting go is the only way, lest you have a heart attack and your head explodes before the second trimester. Because those little buggers have a way of throwing you a curve ball when you least expect it and from what I hear, it just never ends. Like most women, I had the fairytale fantasy of what the moment would be like when I found out when I was pregnant and told Chris, and we would both cry and then sit and talk for hours about how great this kid would be and what great parents we would be and make plans for where he would go to college and who he would marry, etc, etc. Instead, it was 5:00 in the morning, and we were both too shocked and freaked out to even talk about it for almost half a day. Even then, it took a couple of weeks before we were both really convinced it was true and could let ourselves be honestly happy about something that we both wanted so badly and had actually planned for, it was just that the reality was so...real and...fast and.... real.

I also thought that every sonogram would leave me in a puddle of happy tears and it would be like a Lifetime Movie where I would feel every kick from the beginning and sit and talk to my belly for hours, but alas, no. The ultrasounds freak me out more that anything because I can see him kicking me with all his might on the screen, and moving around and flailing his arms, yet I still feel nothing. Most of my ultrasounds have just been dominated by relief that the heart is still beating and he's looking healthy, but no real tears.
Until today.
We had the anatomy ultrasound, where they measure the head, arms and legs, check out the heart, and if the little bugger cooperates, the gender. I was shocked when the tech asked us if we wanted to know the gender, and Chris waffled a little bit and then after she asked the third time, Chris finally said, "OK, tell me what you see."

And she said, "See that leg, and that other leg? and see that thing in between? That can only mean one thing."

And I finally cried. He finally IS something.
A boy.
Our boy.
Our son.
Welcome.

garden state

I leave in the morning for NJ to spend the weekend with the family. Tomorrow will be my niece, Jennifer's graduation party and Sunday is a birthday party for niece and nephew Morgan and Connor.

It will be a full weekend but it will be so good to see everyone after such a long time. My parents are actually picking me up from the airport and I haven't seen them since they were here (in February? March? how time flies...) and I think my brother is going to be there tomorrow and I haven't seen him since Christmas so it will be a really good time.

This afternoon I got my suitcase out and started packing and Chewy walked over to it, sniffed it, and layed down next to it with his nose up against it. Either he loves the smell of airplanes ( and who doesn't, really?) or he is sad I am leaving. I will be back Monday afternoon so he will be with Chris all weekend and then I'll be home in time for his afternoon walk so I don't feel too horrible about leaving but it still makes me sad.
Oh yeah, and I'm gonna miss Chris too. (I kid, I kid)

I'm off to watch The Dog Whisperer. I was talking to my friend today and she asked me how I thought Chewy was going to react to the baby and I really don't know. Everyone has their own ideas about what to do and I'm sure I'll hear even more opinions in the next few months but I think he will be OK once we let him meet the little guy ( yup, there I go again with the boy talk) and he will be a great big brother. We just have to teach Kumar how to be the calm, dominant one.

One last thing, the Yankees are playing the Blue Jays tonight and the Jay's are wearing their throwback jerseys! I love it!