just me ranting again

Monday morning I go back to the OB for my six-week check and hopefully I will get the all-clear to resume normal activities. This, to me, means returning to the gym and I have to say I am a little bit scared. I have had times in the last 15 years or so where I have been what I called "out of shape" but my Today Body laughs at my Then Body when it hears that. I have NEVER been THIS out of shape in my whole life and I really don't know where to begin to get it all back.

I've been reading about things you should and shouldn't do to begin regaining your abdominal muscles. (Abs? Where are you abs? I'm looking for them on the side of milk cartons. I have put out an Amber Alert for my abs because they are gone-er than gone.) Everything says to start slowly with leg lifts and to try to do a sit-up right now is actually going to do more harm than good so I guess that is where I start. I'm thinking about dusting off my Prenatal Pilates DVD and try that out because it actually had some core work in it. (Which is why I promptly stopped playing it 4 months ago and put it back on the bookshelf.)

I have been trying to be more aware of holding in my stomach while I am sitting and walking and I have been walking a lot every day, usually in the morning with Jack in the stroller for 1 1/2 to 2 hours and in the afternoon with Chewy, usually for a much shorter time. I weighed myself at Publix 2 days ago and I have lost another 2 pounds since last week so I am hoping that after an active weekend, I may have less than 15 pounds left to go by the big weigh-in at the doctor. The thing is, I can't lose too much weight too quickly because I am still breast feeding and intend to continue doing so for a few months and losing too much weight and working out too hard can affect supply so I have to be very careful how I do things. At the same time, I know that my agency is expecting me to get back to work before the season is over the end of April or so, and to be honest, I expect myself to also, but maybe I need to lower my expectations a little bit? I gained 50 pounds in 9 months and I probably should not expect to lose it in 2 months or less. But it would be nice.

Anyway, yesterday we went to the dog park and Jack slept and Chewy ran and everyone had some fun.

turn, turn, turn

Yesterday morning I woke up to find Chris already gone and a note on the kitchen counter that said:

I have been walked and fed.

Don't let me con you.

Love, Chewy
*********************************
Seems my sweet husband had gotten up early and walked and fed Chewy for me so I did not have to. He is the best husband ever.

The last few months, walking Chewy has been my only form of exercise. Even my prenatal yoga has taken a hit lately when I would rather take a quick nap than press play on that stupid DVD player. Because it's all that seperates me from incredible hugeness the last weeks of this pregnancy, you would think I would take these walks much more seriously but half-hour walks turned into 20 minute and now 15 minute walks and most mornings I have to convince myself to go just one more block because my tired legs and heavy belly are fighting with my guilt of not giving him enough exercise. I just don't have the energy anymore.

So taday, after walking Chewy and running some errands, I was so tired, I laid down to take a nap and that's when Kumar decided to make his move. I was fighting to stay asleep but little boy decided he was going to finally put himself into position for his exit. He has been laying sideways for months and months now but after a few minutes of purposeful squirming, I could definitely feel him in a whole new position. I may be wrong, and hopefully the OB will confirm this for me tomorrow but he seems to be in the head down, feet up position, all the better to kick my so hard in the ribs that I finally had to get up and move around to get him to stop.

As Chris said, he's coming in for his landing and ready for cross-check. All systems go.
I've been saying for months now that I want him to hold on until after the holidays because I know it's horrible to have your birthday mixed in with Christmas and New Year's but at this point.... I'll take him whenever I can get him.
I want a baby for Christmas.

weekend wrap-up

Chris and I got up Saturday morning and rented the smelliest van in history to pick up the baby furniture!

(Chris is wearing sunglasses so you can't see his eyes tearing from the stink.)

My sister Cathy and her husband Jack were in town so they met us for breakfast and to pick up the furniture (luckily they had their own car so they did not have to ride in the stink-mobile.) (Really it smelled like 300 sweaty men had just gotten out of it 4 seconds before we rented it. I almost rode with Cathy and Jack and made Chris drive in it by himself but I am a team player and couldn't do that to him.) (But I wanted to.)

Anyway, we got the boxes out of the van before they melted from the smell and Cathy and Jack made quick work of the crib before Chris even got back from returning the van. Then we all worked on the dresser and it eventually came together.

And they are so gorgeous!On Sunday I washed all of the baby clothes and put them away in his dresser (!!!) It feels so nice to have everything washed and put away neatly. I keep going in there and opening the drawers and looking at all the cute little clothes and thinking that in just a few weeks, he is going to be wearing those clothes and sleeping in the crib.

Sleeping in the crib, that is, once we get a mattress that actually fits in the crib unlike the one we already bought and have to return.

Chewy remains un-excited and generally melancholy about all the goings-on.

Thanks to Cathy and Jack for all their help in putting together the furniture because I have to admit I was pretty worthless in the helping department. I have been having Braxton Hicks contractions since Thursday and once they get going it becomes really hard to do anything besides sit and complain about it. UGH!

It was so nice to see them though and we were really lucky they were here to help because Chris and I would still be trying to put the crib together today if they weren't here. I guess once you have kids, you get lots of practice putting things together so hopefully there is still hope for us.

21 days to go!

a very miami weekend

On Saturday, we did some of this:

(Thank god for flattering angles)

And on Sunday, we did some of this:

There's nothing like December in Miami.

Also, if you will notice at the bottom of this page, Kumar's Countdown is on the LAST BABY! We have 28 days left until the big day and I'm afraid my luck with certain things is about to run out. I have been much more puffy all weekend and there is nothing I can do to help it except to lay on my left side with my feet up and drink a ton of water. That is really not making it easy to get anything done (or have any fun at all) so I guess I'm just going to be puffy for a while. We're in the homestretch and the end is in sight!

33 days!

Soooo.... What are you doing on 01.05.09?

I guess I will be....Oh I don't know.... HAVING A BABY!

For many reasons, the doctor and I have decided together that it is best that I have a c-section and when I saw him last week, he said we really need to pick a date. After recovering from the shock (What? Now? A concrete date? You mean this baby is really not just going to live inside my belly forever?) I said.....OK. Then I freaked out and called my parents.

We are still working on the exact logistics of when assorted Grandparents are coming and when Chris starts taking time off work and for how long and who will be able to stay with me for those first few weeks of recovery etc. but we are so excited and I can say that I personally am READY READY READY for this kid to be OUT! Besides the aches and pains and general discomfort I am feeling almost constantly now, as well as the non- stop peeeeeeeing and the Braxton Hicks (OK, I will just stop now) (But I could go on....) (But I won't) (Really, I'm done) every day now I go into the baby's closet and look at the little tiny clothes and diapers and blankets and think about how he is going to look and how much I do not want to wait 30-something days to see him.

Luckily, we were able to order the furniture this weekend and it should all arrive in 2 weeks at the latest (hopefully) and we picked up some newborn-sized jammies and t-shirts and other basics so I feel a little more prepared and I have revised my list of things left to buy so I think we can handle a month plus left to prepare. But then he presses his little foot up against my belly and I can actually feel that it is a foot and I just want to sprinkle it with salt and roll it in breadcrumbs and *nom nom nom* eat it up!
But I still have to wait 33 days.

reflections

Kumar has been getting so much more active lately, or possibly I am just feeling it more because he is beginning to run out of space. Sometimes I can see my whole belly shake from side to side and it is so incredibly amazing I can't wait for him to do it again and again.

Also, every afternoon now for the last 3 days, he has gotten the hiccups. My mom told me that I used to get the hiccups a lot before I was born so I guess he got it from me and it is so funny to feel the rhythmic movements. Luckily, he hasn't been very violent in any of his kicks or punches or even his hiccups and besides a couple of swift kick to the ribs, I still have nothing horrible to complain about and I actually wait for him to do it again whenever I feel it and am disappointed when he stops. Also, the pushing is getting more and more common, where one side of my belly (usually the right side, where his butt and legs are) gets pushed out so far I look deformed.

I can really spend hours just sitting and watching my belly morph into different shapes and sizes, and between the pushes and the occcasional Braxton-Hicks contractions I have been getting, the belly is really gettting a workout most hours of the day.

I am beginning to understand what women mean when they say that they miss being pregnant and feeling him move and roll around because this is the only time in your life that he is always right there with you and safe and giving you almost constant reassurance of his A-OK-ness. At the same time, I cannot wait for him to come out so I can kiss him and cuddle him and learn what he is all about because he seems like such a sweet and gentle little boy and I just can't wait to be his mommy.

yes we did!

Last night, watching both McCain's concession speech and Obama's acceptance speech brought tears to my eyes. I felt like, at least for a little while, the country was brought together by the hope that things can really get better and we can be the United States once again.

This is the end of my politcal posts for the year.

Hopefully.

typing with one eye open

Well, I cannot promise to be much more coherent then I was yesterday because I have definitely hit a wall when it comes to sleeping. It seems like just when I think it is as bad as it can be (the peeing, the waking up starving) even worse things come up (leg cramps, sore hips, stiff back) and I find myself grateful when I only wake up 3-4 times in the night instead of what feels like every 10 minutes. I wake up most days already exhausted but staying in bed is not an option because the stiffness and soreness hits a peak after 8 hours or so and only getting up and moving around makes it feel better so sleep is no longer an option after 7:30 AM or so.


Anyway, that's the story of why I walk around in a haze now and why it has become so difficult to write a real post the last few days. I was hoping it was just a post-trip hangover but am beginning to understand that it is instead the new status-quo. So, I will adjust, it just might take a little while.

Now, about my trip.


NJ is so beautiful this time of year, with the leaves changing, and I am really glad I got to see it for a couple of days. It was also incredibly, unseasonable cold so I didn't spend much time outside except for a brisk walk Monday morning with Cathy to get some exercise and check out the changing leaves and suburban Halloween decorations.

The shower itself was so overwhelming, with so many people and presents and I felt such love and gratefulness to everyone. I don't know if I can ever fully express how warm and fuzzy it all made me feel. My sisters, Cathy, Beth and Nancy, really went above and beyond in everything, from the invitations, decorations, cake, preparations, etc. They really thought of everything and on top of it all, gave us some really generous gifts, including a gorgeous quilt that Nancy made herself.


They even thought of what to do with all the gifts that were brought to the shower and will be shipping it down here to me this week. (and I, like a little kid, can hardly wait for it all to get here, though I really have a big job ahead of me now, making room for everything in our not-so-big apartment) We have already received a lot of big things (swing, bouncy seat, bassinet) all of which are still in boxes in the guest room/future baby's room but Chris and I discussed last night exactly how we will arrange things to make room for those things as well as the crib and dresser/changing table that we have yet to buy. Also, the room really needs to be painted (as well as our bedroom) and as much as I don't want to do it, my baby is not coming home to a house with scuffed-up walls, it just won't happen, and I think this may be the beginning of what "they" refer to as NESTING....


In other news, I went to see another pediatrician today and now we need to decide if we want to go to a big practice with slick offices and lots of doctors or a small practice in a charming office and only one doctor. There are many other things to take into consideration but for the most part, those are the big differences between the two and personality-wise, I really like them both so we will see. I don't have to decide until right before Kumar is born so I have a little bit of time to (obsess) weigh things.


On the way home from the pediatrician, I decided to give Kumar his first lesson in exercising his rights as a U.S. citizen.

I let him wear the sticker.

is it too late to re-think this whole thing?

Today I went to the hospital for a tour of Labor and Maternity. It was.....not as reassuring as I thought it would be. I think I'm going to need a little more time for it to all sink in before I fully talk about it but I will say that it made me call Chris and inform him that I am having this baby at home, thank you very much, and there is nothing he can do about it. I will also say that the theme in some of the rooms is early farmhouse with over-handed touches of hideous purple flowers.

They do offer suites and bigger private rooms that actually have windows, (unlike the 2 rooms I saw that had windows completely covered with hurricane shutters, no I am not kidding) but they are on first-come first-serve basis, meaning that if they are all taken when I have this baby, I am stuck in a shared room that Chris can't even stay the night with me in and may or may not have a window I can actually see out of.

I'm trying to have a positive attitude and tell myself that everything will work out and we will be so busy being happy and in love with the baby that I won't care where I am and it is only 2-3 days out of the whole rest of our lives together but it is really hard right now.

accentuate the positive

Looking back, I see that I have done a bit of complaining the last couple of (months) weeks, so today I decided to list the things I love about being pregnant:

1) While waiting on line for the bathroom, twice now a nice lady has looked at my belly at let me go in front of her.

2) Seeing Chris's face when he feels the baby kick. Bonus points for the look he had right after Kumar kicked him in the face.

3) Sitting quietly and feeling the kicks and thumps that are my son's way of telling me he's doing great. Or he's hungry. I still can't get that down.

4) Wondering who he is going to look like, if he's going to be a good sleeper, eater, pooper. Is he going to be as handsome as his daddy and have his sense of humor?

5) I can eat cookies or ice cream (or both) every night and I don't feel guilty about it. Because the baby loves the stuff and I cannot possible deprive him of something he loves. Until he's 16 and wants the car keys.

6) Knowing that at all hours of the day or night, Kumar is safe and secure in a warm place and getting everything he needs. These months are the last time I will ever feel this way and then the REAL worrying begins.

7) Seeing little boys running around and knowing that I am going to have one of those very soon.

8) Looking at the little onesies and things and thinking how cool it will be to dress him up.

9) Planning our first trip to the new Yankee Stadium with our son!

10) Wondering just how big this belly is going to get before this is all over. My body has become some kind of mad-scientist's experiment and I kinda like it. As long as I don't get stretch marks.

wednesday ramblings

If you will take a look at the bottom of this page, you will see that Kumar's Countdown has changed once again! (Go ahead, look. I'll wait here...)We are at 91 days and counting and have moved over to the (I hope you're sitting down) SEVENTH MONTH! I will give you a moment to collect yourself. I can hardly believe it myself.

Honestly, I am beginning to feel like a bit of a slacker because I really haven't done anything to prepare for this baby that is coming to live here in 3 months. (my exact due date is January 8th, 3 months from this very day OMG!) Sure, I have researched for hours on end the best stroller, car seat, bouncy seat, swing, breast pads, cloth diapers, diaper bag, diaper pail, (I'm just gonna insert an etc. here) but have yet to buy hardly anything except a cute little onesie that I found at baby Gap one day and couldn't resist. So, yeah, my baby has a onesie, and it may even be size 3-6 months so he will be able to wear it for a while but I think I may need a couple more things for him. My mom has been frantically knitting away almost since the day we told her about the baby so he has more sweaters and blankets than a Miami baby can ever hope for (thanks mom!) but things like a crib and a bathtub and things to wash him with and diapers to put on his cute little chubby butt (that I can not wait to squeeeeeze in 3 months OMG) they still need to be purchased and the room that he will one day be his needs to be cleaned out and painted and filled with baby things.... (*deep breaths*)
Still, that little voice in my head keeps telling me that there is plenty of time for all this and a newborn only needs a bassinet and diapers and his mama and he'll be OK for the first few months. It's true right? I have plenty of time right? Because most of the time I listen to that little voice but right now I am feeling a little ill-prepared, what with being faced with that seventh(!!!) baby all lit up at the bottom of my page.
OK, rant over.

On the Chewy front, he was as pathetic as could be all day yesterday, sleeping only on the floor instead of jumping on his favorite bed, chair or couch, and whenever I went anywhere near him, he would run away into another room for fear I would touch him. It was really tough to see and I kept calling Chris in near tears to tell him that I could not take it anymore he is like a dog who has been hit by a car and drags himself into the bushes to lick his wounds OMG what can I do to make him better?

Today, he is showing improvement. We walked about half the distance we normally do in the morning and about 10 minutes ago, he brought me a ball to play with. PROGRESS! Unfortunately, the Dr. said no playing for a week, so I had to just ignore the ball and the pathetic crying at the ball that followed but the crying for the ball is a gazillion times better than the pathetic crying in pain he was doing yesterday so I will take it. Hopefully it is just a strained muscle and he will be back to his old self soon enough. Because on top of the usual pregnancy hormone-induced sensitivity, I can only take the pathetic-ness only so long. I may have to lay down on the floor (as if I could) and cry right next to him.

UPDATE! Chewy is on the bed! Whoo Hoo!

streeeeeeetch

For weeks now, I have goten used to many kicks and punches and squirm-arounds by Kumar but this morning I felt something completely different.
I was woken from a dead sleep by the feeling that he was pushing his way out, through my belly. I have heard about this happening but had not experienced it before and it was really kind of....creepy.
But now I want him to do it again.

Seems he has heard my call for him to be a Hall of Fame pitcher and he is warming up for this move:




Or perhaps he will be a first baseman and is practicing this one:


Yeah. That's probably it.

100

Tomorrow, Kumar's countdown will be in the double digits! DOUBLE DIGITS Y"ALL!!(Yes, the excitement causes me to get all Southern and Shout-y but I am totally excited!)

It is unbelievable that we have come down to a matter of 100 days and I have to admit that when this all started out, the pessimist that lives deep down inside of me never really believed that we would get this far. I would skip ahead in the pregnancy books and read about being 20 or 30 weeks pregnant and thought that surely something horrible and tragic would happen before I could ever get to the point and surely I could never be so lucky as to have all of this really culminate in having a real live baby of my own.

Yes, that pessimist who lives deep inside of me is a real dark soul. Luckily, I don't let her out very much and have managed to keep her quiet for the most part and here we are at 100 days and it's all double digits from here! Until we get into the single digits which I still cannot imagine but I guess when that time comes, I will be just as shocked by my past pessimism as I am right now because looks what we did! We have 100 days left and we are actually viable at this point. That's right! Not that I would like to test this out but babies have been known to live who are born at this point and that to me in just incredible because he weighs less than 2 pounds and will look so much cuter 100 days from now so thanks but no thanks! I told Chris months ago that I made a deal with Kumar that he is not allowed out until he reaches 10 pounds. I figured that, knowing how kids are, I would say 10 pounds and if he manages to do 6-7, I would be happy. Little did I know that he is an incredible overachiever and has been eating enough the last couple of months that we just might get closer to 10 pounds than I imagined and I am now afraid of what I started.

Tomorrow I go for my OB checkup and glucose tolerance test so I have cut off all sweets this weekend (if you don't count that ice cream I had on Saturday but honestly, it was Weight Watchers ice cream AND it was mint chocolate chip and the mint is really kind of medicinal so it was kind of not really like having ice cream at all.) and am planning on getting up extra early in the morning to make a high protein breakfast with no sugar and no carbs to eat right before I go and hopefully it will turn out just fine.
Then I will come home and make the brownies I have been dreaming about all weekend. And maybe some more Rice Krispie treats.

good news

This last week has been quite exciting! First, I made a decision early last week to leave my Miami agency and go to a new one where I know I will work much more. Sounds easy enough right? Not really. See, there was the small detail of a contract, a contract that has been self-renewing since 1997 and just renewed this past May for 2 more years. I refused to let that small detail stop me though, so long story short, I had a meeting with the second-in-charge last week and today he finally sent me a letter that they are releasing me from my contract. I had to sort-of-kind-of fudge the truth when he asked me what my plans were but the truth is that they really do not have many clients for me to work for in my pregnant state and I know that this other agency does so I had to do what I could to get it done.

Also, I know that once I have the baby I will still work as much, if not more than I did before because my old booker of over 10 years is now at the new agency and she totally kicks ass! She has always been so good to me and always fought for me when she needed to and I trust her more than anyone in the business. (Ha! Spell check just suggested that I use the word "booger" instead of "booker". She will really appreciate that but I'll stick with booker.) Just to make me feel that much better about my decision, before i even got the e-mail to her that my contract was released, she called me to say that they booked me for a job in November for a pregnancy magazine. And they have a few more things lined up between now and then.

So, that turned out well.

Just to keep things interesting, one night last week, I noticed that a mole that I got a few months ago (and had been ignoring) wasn't a normal mole but rather was scabby and had actually scratched off a little bit. I know from my father's history with skin cancer that the scabby moles tend to be something to worry about so I went to the dermatologist and she took it off and stitched me up and told me to come back in a week to get the biopsy results. (words nobody likes to hear) Luckily, the Dr. didn't make me wait a whole week and called me today to tell me that it was completely benign and nothing to worry about at all. I get the stitches out on Thursday and that will be that. And let me tell you, this was a MUCH better experience than the last time I got stitches. The initial shot of lanocaine was no picnic but after that I really felt nothing and it was all over and topped off with a single band aid in 10 minutes. Success!
Tomorrow I am going to my Shiny New Agency to get some digital pictures taken to send out to clients and have lunch with my booker (still not booger) and hopefully I will get to working soon!!

Today is one of those days I prefer to not talk too much about. Chris and I were living within walking distance of the WTC on this day in 2001 and everything about it is etched in my memory yet I prefer to keep it buried somewhere in the back where it no longer burns with the sounds and smells and feelings that dominated that long, long, never-ending day.

This morning I did my best to stay away from the whole TV drama but they got me when I was in the car, driving on the highway and the radio station where I usually go to for a laugh started to play a montage of news clips from that day. That is what really gets me; the voices of the people, the eyewitnesses, and their reactions, their horror, their fear, their confusion about what they were witnessing. Grown men in tears. The shrieks of the crowds of people on the street as they watched people jump out of windows and then finally, the giant buildings pancake to the ground in a gut-wrenching thud thud thud thud thud. (and worse, the silence that enveloped the city afterwards.) Maybe this is what gets to me the most because I was one of those eyewitnesses but as it was happening, I didn't shriek or cry. I was numb. I could not grasp the enormity of what was going on and I remember not really feeling it for hours afterwards, when I finally had a meltdown and cried for it all. It was way too much to take in at once and now, 7 years later, it is way too much to relive.

This morning I cried while driving down the highway and I rubbed my belly and wished I could promise to protect Kumar from all the bad things of the world but if this day taught us anything, it was that nobody can protect anyone from bad things happening. Some of the best people in the world had to go through the most unimaginable last minutes of their lives that day and nobody could protect them from it.

So instead, I promised Kumar that I would teach him about the bad but also teach him to be kind and generous and sweet and that if he surrounds himself with all those things, he can push the bad things to the back of his mind where they are safer, and still live a happy life. And his mama and daddy will always do their best to protect him from the bad things. And hopefully we can.

i'm totally reminding him of this when he is 16 and wants to borrow the car

The last week or so I have been feeling Kumar kick like crazy. Everything I have read says that babies sleep more than they are awake but I don't believe it because it seems like he is kicking all. the. time. All of those grilled cheese sandwiches are starting to pay off too because he is getting strong enough where I can feel and see it from the outside. At night he is the most active, especially around 4 am when I get up to pee for the 30th time of the night and I lay back down and feel the THUMP THUMP THUMP of his little arms and legs against my vital organs.

This is where the blackmail comes in.

His favorite thing to do is to tap-dance on my bladder and/or cervix and for those of you who have never had a little alien inside of you, it is the creepiest and most annoying feeling in the world.

Yesterday I went to get a haircut and I had to go pee three times in the hour I was in the salon because as soon as I would get comfortable in the chair, WHAM! there he goes like Matthew Mcconaughey on the Bongos.

Yes, I am going to be the kind of mother who totally uses this against my kid in 16 years. After all, I am the kind of mom that takes pictures like this:

a love story

Once Upon a Time there was a boy and a girl. The boy thought the girl was the most beautiful girl in all the land, and the girl thought the boy was the handsomest boy she had ever seen. Over many years, the boy and the girl would meet and talk to each other and the more they talked, the more they knew that they felt things for each other that they had never felt before, and they would try to spend even more time together, talking and laughing and falling in love.

The boy and the girl were never able to tell each other how they really felt though, because The Evil People of the world were working together to keep them apart, and The Evil People succeeded in keeping them apart for many many years.

Until one day, when the girl drank a magic potion that made her very brave, and she decided to tell the boy how she really felt about him. The girl kissed the boy, and in that instant, the magic potion was magically zoomed into the boy's body and he became very brave as well, and they both made a promise that they would fight together from that day on, against The Evil People, and anyone else who tried to keep them apart.

The Evil People, however, found out that the boy and the girl were fighting to be together, and The Evil People did not like that very much at all, so The Evil People fought and fought to keep the boy and the girl apart. What The Evil People did not know, though, was that the boy and the girl were very much in love and the kind of love that the boy and the girl had was very special and very powerful, more powerful than any Evil that the Evil People could come up with, and the boy and the girl always found a way to be together.

After many years of war, the evil people were finally defeated, and those who survived the war crawled back into their Evil People caves, and were never heard from again, and the boy and the girl knew that they had won, and they could be happy together forever now.

The boy and the girl stole away to the magical island of St. Lucia, and where they were wed by a magical man who blessed them and told them that they would never have to fight against The Evil People again, and that they would have a lifetime of happiness and love and laughter together forever and ever, amen.

That was three years ago today, and the boy and the girl are still very much in love and they are well on their way, living their lifetime of happiness and laughter and love, and they know that even if The Evil People ever rear their ugly heads again, the power of their love has grown so strong that they will always defeat any Evil ever invented.

Happy anniversary to my love! The handsomest boy I have ever seen!

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

beans n franks! franks n beans!

The day that you find out you are pregnant, all your ideas about how it is going to be instantly change. And if they don't then you are a bigger control freak than I am and YOU NEED TO LET IT GO. Trust someone who knows, because she had to learn it the hard way. Letting go is the only way, lest you have a heart attack and your head explodes before the second trimester. Because those little buggers have a way of throwing you a curve ball when you least expect it and from what I hear, it just never ends. Like most women, I had the fairytale fantasy of what the moment would be like when I found out when I was pregnant and told Chris, and we would both cry and then sit and talk for hours about how great this kid would be and what great parents we would be and make plans for where he would go to college and who he would marry, etc, etc. Instead, it was 5:00 in the morning, and we were both too shocked and freaked out to even talk about it for almost half a day. Even then, it took a couple of weeks before we were both really convinced it was true and could let ourselves be honestly happy about something that we both wanted so badly and had actually planned for, it was just that the reality was so...real and...fast and.... real.

I also thought that every sonogram would leave me in a puddle of happy tears and it would be like a Lifetime Movie where I would feel every kick from the beginning and sit and talk to my belly for hours, but alas, no. The ultrasounds freak me out more that anything because I can see him kicking me with all his might on the screen, and moving around and flailing his arms, yet I still feel nothing. Most of my ultrasounds have just been dominated by relief that the heart is still beating and he's looking healthy, but no real tears.
Until today.
We had the anatomy ultrasound, where they measure the head, arms and legs, check out the heart, and if the little bugger cooperates, the gender. I was shocked when the tech asked us if we wanted to know the gender, and Chris waffled a little bit and then after she asked the third time, Chris finally said, "OK, tell me what you see."

And she said, "See that leg, and that other leg? and see that thing in between? That can only mean one thing."

And I finally cried. He finally IS something.
A boy.
Our boy.
Our son.
Welcome.

pfpfpfpfpfttttt!

Have you ever had just one of those days? I knew waking up today that I would have a long day with a lot of errands and phone calls to make but even still.....It was just one of those days.

I won't bore you with the details but suffice it to say that I will have a lot more to do tomorrow before our flight than I wanted to have. I hate getting on an evening flight just exhausted because I've been running around the whole day, but including having to drive Chewy to Ft Lauderdale in the morning, I have 3-4 other places to go, plus come home and straighten out the house blah blah blah, yes I said I would not bore you with the details, I am done now.....

Chewy's going to "camp" in Lauderdale and after being screwed-over by the last place, I really hope he likes it and they are nice to him.(That is always my worst fear, that people are not nice to him and don't see the good in him, because he is so sweet, and OH GOD I"M GOING TO SHUT UP BECAUSE I AM A HORMONAL MESS RIGHT NOW!)

It looks like a really nice place and as long as I remember to bring all his stuff he needs for the week, we should be OK.

So, we are leaving tomorrow for a much-needed week away, more needed by Chris than me, but I am just looking forward to being someplace where the temperature goes below 80 degrees at any time in the day or night and I am going to happily wear pants and sweaters and actual non-flip-flops on my feet.
I even went to the mall yesterday and bought 2 pairs of maternity jeans that are oh-so comfortable and I am really excited to wear pants that do not cut directly into my spleen. Even the Bella Band I bought is no longer enough and I had to break down and buy some maternity pants because I refuse to wear sweatpants every day for the next 6 months, thank you very much.

I will be posting from CA but they will be more sporatic because I intend to take a lot of naps and enjoy being outside in the CA air, and maybe even take a nap outside in the CA air, because i am crazy like that.

cue the dr. who theme song

I am not a person who really reads about new, scientific things that come out but this is a huge (literally) story. There are actually people running around saying this could end the world.

Me? I'm off to find an old British phone booth in which to time-travel.

You can read about it here.