Monday, December 22, 2008

rollercoaster, thy name is pregnancy

What a weekend.

It's amazing how your moods can change from one day to the next when you are as pregnant as I am. The hormones can really mess with your head some days and Saturday was one of those days. I woke up feeling like I was never going to be ready enough for this baby or be a good mom and, even worse, that this baby was never going to come and I was going to feel like this forever. I was not the nicesst person in the world and Chris is honestly the last person who deserves my bad attitude, but I took it all out on him anyway and then felt even worse for doing it.

Eventually, I got it together and we went to a baby CPR and First Aid class and then back to Babies R Us to return the mattress and pick up (almost) the last of the baby necessities.

Then on Sunday, I woke up feeling great, with an incredible burst of energy and started doing laundry, washed all the crib and bassinet sheets, blankets, burp cloths, whatever I could get my hands on and mopped the floors. This was the most energy I have had in weeks (months?) and it felt really good. I actually feel decent today too and that is a nice relief after the way I've been feeling lately, and it makes me feel like maybe I will feel normal again one day after all. It is also what I think has kept me from completely freaking out about the other thing that is bothering me, which is my absolute HATE HATE WHITE-HOT HATRED for clothes.

I mainly have a problem with pants. They are my absolute nemesis, my Kryptonite, my achilles heel. I know I have mentioned this before, but the situation has gotten even more critical lately with each centimeter that my thighs have grown ( I am not even going to venture a guess as to how many centimeters that is, I just know that it's a lot of them and I hate them all). I have 2 pairs of maternity jeans and they are just no longer wearable. I tried to put a pair on today and almost cried. I know there are much worse things that could be happening and I should be happy that I am healthy and the baby's healthy but there just comes a time where I am so sick of being uncomfortable. I know I said that I was going to just give up and wear sweatpants every day but I am also so tired of looking like a total slob all the time and the worst part was this morning when I put on this dress:

(as worn this summer when it was still just a normal looking tent-dress.)

and it was so tight, it looked absolutely ridiculous. This is a dress that I bought with the thought that it was so huge and tent-like that I could wear it til the day I give birth and there was no thought that I would ever be able to fill it out the way that I did this morning. Of course this is not the first time that I underestimated the enormousness that I was really going to achieve, for example these pants:

that I bought in June with the same idea; that they were so gigantic that I would never not fit them. My thighs mock those pants now. They barely fit over my knees.

The good news is that 2 weeks from today, I will be holding my little boy and my bad moods and pants and my offending thighs will be the last thing on my mind and that is exactly all I need to think about to get me through all of this.

So take that, PANTS!!!

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