accu-clear

You know when you begin something and it becomes the only thing you can think of and you know you are being a complete dolt but you keep thinking about it and obsessing and daydreaming? No? Nobody? Just me huh?

Anyway- that's the kind of week I've been having - actually only 5 days but it feels like 100. That's how long we've been "trying" to get pregnant. (And dear God- someone please offer me a better way of putting that)
I know I'm not the first person in the world to go through this but good golly, why did I have to wake up this morning with incredibly sore boobs? It would be alot easier to not think about if I wasn't constantly reminded by that.

Honestly, I have read every. single. thing. written. about the period of time between fertilization and implantation (7-10 days) and then there is sometimes a few more days after that before your body begins producing "pregnancy hormones" that are picked up by a test, BLAH BLAH BLAH
Yet(!!) today, at Target, I picked up a pregancy test (on sale whoo hoo!) just to have for, you know, when I need it in 10-14 days, and proceeded to stare at it on the coffee table for a couple hours and THEN went and did a test.
And then - sat there stunned when it came up negative.

Yes- I am the world's biggest idiot.

So-I know that this is going to happen when it is meant to happen and all that stuff but jeez these next few weeks are going to kill me. And then if (what are the chances? 20% or so for someone my age?) for some crazy reason this does not happen this month - we could go on this way for months and months(did I mention an 80% chance it will NOT happen the first try?). UGH!

The good news is, I promised myself that once that complete waste of a test is in the garbage and I write this, I will no longer think about this until at least next week.

OK I'll try.